Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
