have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize