She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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