You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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