I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
