I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
