my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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