If that was your dad, he is hot
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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