I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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