no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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