I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize