Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
