My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
