Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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