What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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