Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
