her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
