cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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