You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
