Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
