you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
