How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
