That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
