If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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