Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
