dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize