He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize