I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Randomize
