Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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