Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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