If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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