Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
