yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
