I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
