WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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