Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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