1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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