you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
