I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
