Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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