Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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