My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize