I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
