Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
