saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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