I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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