Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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