Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
