He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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