i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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