oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
