Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize