i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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