nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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