I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
