No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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