At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
