Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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