So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
