proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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