My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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