mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
