a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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