We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize