He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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