Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
