my sisters under your porch take her home
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
