Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
