"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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