We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
