Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
