allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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